A Tribute to Grandma and Yarn

17 Feb

This story is part of the new fundraiser and submission topic: Cast On!

 

Lauren L. Zavrel

 

I don’t exactly remember learning to knit.  I had to be about seven or eight, and it must have been in Bend, Oregon, where my grandparents lived in a sizeable house overlooking the city and high desert beyond. As soon as you walked into the house, you could tell a pair on ancient people lived there; the place was immaculate, for one, and for two, it was full of uncomfortable furniture with floral patterns, velvety pillows and no indication that anyone had sat there in the past 20 years.  The shelves had little coo-coo clocks and trinkets like ceramic birds and pictures of grandchildren (all six of us) you could tell were taken in the eighties.  The floors were spotless like something out of a magazine and the carpets were the original outrageous colors: deep shaggy blue in the formal living room and a shorter thick beige in the bedrooms.  Lace curtains, mahogany end tables, lamps from the seventies and paintings of exotic European places, and always, always the smell of flour and dumplings and pies and cotton balls and old sweaters: that’s where I learned to knit.

 

I do remember that Grandma’s hands were always knotty and gnarled-looking.  She had terrible arthritis, but I just thought your hands look like walnut trees when you get older than Mom and Dad.  Mom’s hands didn’t look like Grandma’s.  Grandma was Irish and had wonderfully translucent skin.  She didn’t look her age, but if you watched her try to use her hands for something as tedious as knitting, you could decipher her age in those arthritic fingers of hers.  That’s where she put all of her oldness, I thought to myself.

 

I remember how magical it seemed to me when I finished two rows, one of top of the other, and the yarn turned from string to pattern to some type of mish-mashed cloth.  It was as if Grandma had shared some secret wisdom with me, and it made me proud.

 

I never made much though, after learning.  I would pick up the needles now and then and decide I would make a whole blanket! only to find myself distracted a few minutes later and casting the tangles aside.

 

Grandma died about twenty years after she taught me to knit.  I still had my original needles and piles of yarn all tangled together in a box somewhere.  Right after she died, my cousin, Grandma’s oldest granddaughter, became pregnant with her first child; Grandma’s first great-grandchild.  I did not make the connection at the time, but right around then, I felt drawn to those needles.  I longed for the clicking and the endless fidgety movement of the needles; my hands nearly itched for the yarn to travel across them and magically transform from mats of knots and neglected messes to warm hats and scarves and things.  I went digging.  I had to make a baby set for my cousin’s child.

 

It started there and never really stopped.  Soon thereafter, I learned to crochet.  The yarn and I became inseparable.  There were days when I would crochet two hats in a matter of hours.  Particularly in the winter months, never straying too far from the woodstove, I would curl up with the hook and yarn when my mind was too antsy for a book (which it often was and is) and stitch away until my eyes wouldn’t stay open.  Somewhere in that time, I realized I kept at it to remember and respect Grandma.

 

I do a lot of thinking when I knit and crochet; the rhythm of the stitches traveling over the metal becomes just consistent enough to allow the brain to talk with itself, recall the events of the day, or the year, or deeper thoughts.  The act has much in common with writing.  It is such a simple thing, yarn to metal, just as pen to paper is such a simple thing in and of itself, and yet the psychology of the modern mind so diligently impedes progress if we are not trained to allow ourselves otherwise.  Starting is surely the hardest part, but once we have the rhythm, it is simply a matter of endurance.

 

So as I think when I write, and the ideas begin to spill their way on to the pages, I think when I crochet.  I started thinking once about why I never managed to finish any knitting project as a kid; I thought about Grandma, and all the other Grandmas who can sit, sit alone, sit in circles, sit and speak or sit in silence and create magnificent quilts and sweaters and dresses as if it were nothing.  As if it were a task as simple as getting the mail…and then I realized how getting the mail for someone in their eighties may not be so simple.  It made me think of how wonderfully happy it would have made Grandma to see her great-granddaughter, Chloe, crawling about in a sweater I had knit for her, because she had shown me how.

 

With that thought in mind, I keep crocheting; I will keep knitting, so long as my hands look like hands and not walnut trees.

 

Cast On!

25 Jan

Calling all knitters and crocheters!

The Pluma Project has an activity for you!  Starting in January 2011, the Pluma is accepting donations of homemade hats, scarves, gloves and sweaters to be sold at Hair Virtuoso as a fundraiser to help sustain the site and its expansion to promote creative writing among underprivileged and abused women.

Participating is easy and fun.

1. Make stuff out of yarn.

2. (optional, but there will be a prize incentive!) Write about who taught you to knit or crochet.

3. Donate your goods, submit your story.

The items you make can be dropped off at the ASUO Women’s Center in the EMU (Univ of OR campus) or downtown at Hair Virtuoso, where all goods will be sold to the public to benefit the Pluma Project.  Stay tuned for more information!

2011: The Vagina Monologues in Eugene

21 Jan

YES.  They’re Cumming Again!

Sexual Assault Support Services (SASS) is proud to be hosting, for the third consecutive year, The Vagina Monologues in Eugene on April 13 and April 16 at Lane Community College.

At this time, the production crew has scheduled interest meetings for cast hopefuls on Jan 30 and Feb 3.  HOPEFULS NEED NOT HAVE ACTING EXPERIENCE AND THERE ARE NO AUDITIONS AS A RULE.  If you are interested in joining the cast, please visit www.vdayeugene.com for more information.

To read some of the inspiring stories from 2010 cast members, check out the Vagina Monologues Reflections featured here.

Follow the Pluma Project on Twitter for updates!  Thanks!

Gathering ‘Round the Perpetrator for the Holidays: Ruby

21 Nov

‌Gathering ‘Round the Perpetrator For the Holidays

by Ruby the Resourceress

Submitted in 2008
This year I said no to holidays with perverts, predators, and perpetrators. Holidays at my family of origin are spent trying to catch someone in a grammar mistake, being brilliant while making mean fun of each other, and dodging my father’s inappropriate sexual remarks and fat wet kisses. My brother will get drunk and drive and no one will say
anything, although he’s had DUIs for over two decades now and it’s just a matter of time before he kills someone else or himself. Some family will even get in the car and let him drive because we just don’t rock the boat in our family. Especially if it means mom and dad have to look at their own addictions to alcohol, exercise, control, food, and sex.

The holidays at my ex husband’s house are more outwardly fun, with lots of liquor and great food and wit, such that people want to be a part of the family the way I did when I met my former husband. Who wouldn’t enjoy snappy repartee about sustainability, Cole Porter, Miles Davis, and Bhuddism? But the same lies fester beneath, the same sexual innuendoes and kisses that look like they’re aimed for the cheek but swivel and splat on the lips if I’m not careful.

When I was married, I struggled to get my husband to take my feelings of mistrust about his brother Joel seriously. When Joel was finally busted last year for coming on to his girlfriend’s teenaged daughter, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had no need for “I told you so,” only wanting the family to protect itself and  its members. But this year they all gathered ‘round the perpetrator again, and I bowed out.

It may be Grandma’s last Christmas, but it’s been maybe Grandma’s last Christmas for thirty years now and she is delusional and confused anyway; who’s the Hallmark moment for?

Joel’s son Jake urged me to attend. “We’ll all suffer together,” he said in an ironic way that reminded me of his dad. I did not want to cause a scene in front of his girlfriend and my daughter, so I told him I would e-mail him. I wrote that I was done spending holidays with perpetrators and that while I was happy to be honest and heal together, suffering and
being in denial was not one of my family values.

Jake did not reply but when one daughter was on the phone with me from the festivities, he called out from the background that he missed me. As I barely know Jake I did not know what to say and felt put on the spot. I told my daughter to ask if he had read my  e-mail and she said, “Never mind.” She was put on the spot too. She didn’t want to rock the boat, so she would give me his message but not give him mine. This is how abusers drive a subtle wedge between people. No one dares confront the people who are inappropriate because it seems so out of line that they could not possibly be that passive aggressive, but if someone points out the rude and inappropriate behavior, that person is seen as the problem.

It breaks my heart to see both of my grown daughters as well as Joel’s children unable to stand together to take care of themselves and support everyone in getting help. I hoped they would do better than me and my siblings. A common cultural pattern is for people to align with the perpetrator to avoid being mistreated themselves. They turn on the person who is bringing the unwanted truth to the surface. I want to cry when I see my children participate in this in order to keep “family unity.” What is that family unity worth when it is based on lies and fear?

It not only makes me sad, it makes me angry to be the only one willing to stand up to this man. I have decided to stop thinking I am the one with something to hide.

I spend much of my life confronting abuse, including inside myself. As a young mother with severe undiagnosed postpartum depression, alcoholism, and PTSD, I was my children’s first abuser. I remain open at all times to talking about things I have done that have hurt my children. Åt the same time, to apologize constantly does not give them a chance to discover how they feel for themselves, so I wait and pray for the day they decide to deal with their past. I believe that we all do and are capable of abusive actions but what  counts is if we face ourselves and make every effort to change and make things right. If Joel’s therapy  had really helped, the family would be involved with and talking about the healing, not pretending nothing happened.

Denying abuse guarantees you’ll pass it on in some form. Being complicit with the abuser may work for safety in the short run, but long term you end up supporting the negative behavior of the perpetrator and marginalizing the person who dares to stand against it. If we stand together, though, we can face the abuser and insist he/she get help.

This holiday season I’m saying no to festivities with perverts, predators, and perpetrators. I hope you will too.

No Victim, Just Visible: Ruby

21 Nov

No Victim, Just Visible

Ruby

Submitted in 2008
When a woman stands up to an abuser, why do other women tell her to walk
away, that her voicing her pain and asking for responsibility make her a
victim? I never want to hear anyone  tell another woman, man or child not
to be a victim! What if we all stood up to abusers together?
What if we walked up to men we know mistreat women and told them loudly
to stop? What if we stopped blaming the women? What if we faced our own
fear of victimhood instead? What if no one took the side of the abuser
our of fear?
What if we didn’t go to their shows? What if we didn’t believe we could
save them with our love, that their love for us is different and won’t
get us abused like the others?
What if when WHYY’s Terry Gross interviews some rocker bad boy, she
doesn’t gloss over the collateral damage of their groupies but asks about
the humans they use and discard and fuck and fuck up? What if Bust
magazine didn’t think it was cool to print a picture of dried apple Ozzy
Osborne with the quote that he’s still fuckable? Would Bust print a
picture of an old saggy dyke doing that?
What if hordes of hairy scary sweaty saggy topless menopausal women roved
the fair hitting on our young people? Would we notice if it was women
instead of men?
What if our heroes were people who treated everyone well?
What if we were allies instead of competitors?
Don’t ever tell another woman again she’s a victim. Just to admit you’ve
been wronged is pain enough.
To all the human beings have ever I avoided because I was scared of their
poverty, abusive relationship, disability, or other otherness,  I
wholeheartedly apologize.

Prerequisite to a Raven’s Dream: Lauren L. Zavrel

21 Nov

Prerequisite to a Raven’s Dream

Lauren L. Zavrel

Submitted in 2008

I felt a combination of things all at once: the familiar discomfort of the doctor’s office when we relinquish control to an MD in a white coat, unsure of what will happen to us, the fear of needles, the fear of commitment…but the reality was that I was actually in control because this was my idea, my body, my design.  I also felt a sense of obligation; a sense of closure that I owed myself.  I felt like I was taking a leap of faith, and while my two best friends were there in the room with me, they were only there as means to help me do it and not as a means to do it with or for me.  I felt as I did when, years prior, I would cut into my own flesh to make sure I could still feel pain, to find something still living inside me somewhere out of sight when my whole sense of identity and boundaries had been crushed into the earth—

I felt the adrenaline of all these things, and the doubt of self that maybe, despite all of my effort in the past five years, despite all of the reassuring things I had been told, despite the self-reflection and writing I had done on the subject, and the significance I had found in the symbol of a bird, that in going through with this, I would be shocked into a new level of this reality.  Maybe it is a lie, maybe I have not truly healed from it, maybe I am not worthy of this, that the pain I have already gone through is disproportionate to the significance of what this ink will do to me forever.  In trying to manifest an internal pain on the outside, would I only be making an intangible wound a real and visible one?

My heart pounded and I became a little short of breath.  Daisy said I would need to take off my shirt and bra but that I could drape a towel over myself to feel more comfortable.  I insisted that Mikee take my hand and asked him to talk to me in his cynical, insensitive way to distract me from my own thoughts.  I sat on the chair and held its back, as well as Mikee’s hand who crouched beside the chair.  Daisy sat behind me and I could not see what she was doing—it instantly reminded me of the day on the hill, where I had been exposed another time, and had imagined myself growing wings as my eyes met the grass and the dust and the ants.  I felt just as vulnerable, though this time, not endangered.  Not violated.  Only open, as if my heart were exposed and bleeding out tears it had held in for five long and confusing years.

Daisy explained everything she was doing as I anticipated the sting of the gun on my skin, wishing she would stop talking and just get to it.  Mikee asked her casually about her instruments and the ink and the sterilization of everything, and made fun of me for the staph infections I was bound to get as a result of this whole procedure.  Without knowing it perhaps, Mikee’s nonchalant attitude about it all eased my nerves and helped me breathe a near-regular pace.  He glanced back and forth over his shoulder from Fox’s broadcast of a special Family Guy episode back to Daisy over my shoulder, and then to me, with a half-serious expression on his face, asking “are you ok?” and never letting go of my hand.  This is why I loved Mikee; he took very few things seriously, especially on the surface, and his presence in the room was therefore refreshing.  However, as much as he may have wanted to, he never let go of my hand, and told me without words that he respected the gravity of the procedure in my mind.  The impact it would have on my life.  The healing power and significance it would have.  He understood the importance of his role in seeing me through it.

Finally the tiny razors cut into my shoulder and the vibrations etched a line across my back—the line made itself a feather and finally a wing—it was coming to life!  My pain, my memories, my recovery there surfacing finally from somewhere inside me, someplace I could never quite identify.  And it hurt, like a child making its way into the world.  When it pushed me to want to squirm or complain, I took myself back to the inner pain I had held for so long to remind myself that this was only a release of everything I had hidden all that time.  I wallowed in it, embraced it, and made myself savor every slice—every little drop of ink that sunk under my skin.  It was a secret little revenge for the cowardly tears that welled in my eyes on the hill the day; tears he could not see from behind me.

When she was finished, I was exhausted.  She covered the wound with saran wrap and explained to me how I had to care for it—this new pet of mine, this responsibility that I had adopted.  How proud I was after all the anxiety and fear and doubt!  There she was, a beautiful, healthy newborn creature, its wings waxing across my shoulder from where it would guide me, reassure me, and protect me.  She had finally made her way from the quiet and broken undefined place to the surface where I could see her, touch her, listen to her, and know finally that she was real.  There with my two best and most reliable friends to help deliver her, and it was beautiful.  She is my womanhood, my strength, my passage, my health and my story.  She is the vehicle to my future.  And she is forever a part of me, the product of something wretched and brutal and unforgivable, transformed into the flight and freedom of a reborn heart.

My Drive: Christy Desermeaux

21 Nov

‌My Drive

by Christy Desermeaux

Submitted in 2007

I’m cruising down 42 just outside of Winston, heading for the coast. She has her thumb out as if she might withdraw it at the slightest provocation. Maybe that thumb will retreat. I doubt it because I have a new car and I don’t look out of place in it. Although the road ahead is blurry with heat, the girl and her pink painted thumb are clear. She’s standing in the shade with her duffle bag behind her heels as if she might just sit a spell when the cars are gone. Her thumb remains cocked. I lock my doors and pull over. I am considering her in my rear view mirror as she hefts her duffle bag to her shoulder. She pauses now looking back at the road she is leaving. Her bag is heavy. She gives her bag another boost and trots toward the passenger side of my car. Her blond ponytail swings. Her face is clear and tan. She’s lean and athletic looking. She’s wearing blue shorts and a white tank top. I press the window button and my tinted window slides silently down about two inches. You can never be too careful.

“Where can I take you?“ I ask her.

“The coast,” she says.

She looks tired and hot. I can smell her sweat. I pop the trunk, and unlock the doors.

“Put your bag in the trunk and grab two sodas from the cooler.”

She is hurrying to do what I ask – how lovely – and scrambling into my car with the sodas cradled in one arm. She pauses and looks overcome for a moment. The air conditioner is blasting. She slams the door shut and I grit my teeth. Her Pepsi is between her thighs, she passes me one and wipes her wet hand on my leather seat. Relaxing into the seat, she pulls the safety belt across her lap.

“Julie,” she offers as she pries open the soda with those pink painted nails. She takes two large gulps, kicks off her Nikes and belches. She covers her mouth, looks at me with big eyes and says, “I’m used to life at the dorms,” as if that redeems her for her rude behaviors. I want to find out if she will be missed right away. I pull away from the shoulder.

“Coming home?“ I ask.

“Nope, visiting friends in Bandon. What’s your name?” I won’t give her my real name, I can be Howard.

“Howard.”

I can see the gooseflesh rising on her legs. She folds her arms across her chest like a child who has no coat and the weather has turned ugly. I almost laugh.

“It’s too cold.”

What a whiner. Her skin would be cold and smooth, it would be pale and blank. I just need to follow the plan, it’s foolproof.

“There’s a blanket behind the seat.” I say. She has set her Pepsi on my new dashboard. I can barely restrain myself from taking that can and shoving it down her lovely throat. Instead, I pull out the passenger side cup holder and set the soda in it and wipe off the sticky dash with my shirtsleeve. She unbuckles her seatbelt, folds herself over the seat and fishing around back there. I see a small tattoo of a squirrel on the inside of her left calf. The plan says, “No distinguishing marks left.”

“Got it.” She says and plops herself down in the seat. Her face is a little flushed from being upside down. She unfolds the blanket and makes herself cozy in it.

Would anyone spot that she is gone? It will change the plan.

“Are your friends expecting you?”

“Uh… kinda.” She’s looking down at the floor of the car. “I

e-mailed my friend and told her I would be traveling down the coast.”

“She will be surprised then?”

She shrugs. I don’t push it. I can depend on at least two free days with her.  I love having time to practice.

She is reclining in the seat, turned on her side facing me. She sighs. The blanket is pulled up to her chin and her damned pink fingernails are peeking over the edge.

“I am going to sleep for a while, if you don’t mind.”

“That’s fine, I am going to be passing through Bandon. I’ll wake you up before we get there.” I wouldn’t wake her. Her sleeping is good. The part about passing through is true. I am going through Bandon to get to the cabin on the Sixes River. That is where I will take her. The water in the river is so cold, the blood will swirl through the cold water the way smoke swirls in the air. It will stream from her fingertips after I remove those maddening nails.

The image of flames flicking from the red blanket with the Nike tennis shoes sitting on top as I squirt them with fluid crosses my mind. I only wish that I could capture the smells. I can imagine the smells. The dry pine needles, river water, smoke, lighter fluid and sweat. I imagine them as single scents but not as they would be when they flow together in a specific moment. That is why I will repeat the process. I crave the entire sensation.

I need those batteries though. She closes her eyes. I need to get gas. According to the plan I need to account for all the necessary items. Gas is one of them. I need batteries for the digital camera and lighter fluid, too. The images I’ll create might hold me over until I can make more, capture some of her conclusion, the end of her being and becoming. I have the tools of my trade under the seat and a gun just in case she gets out of hand. She is twitching. It is the twitch that happens between conscious and unconscious.

I’ll get the gas and stuff while she’s asleep. I pull off in Coquille at the Quick Gas. I take my bag from under my seat. I take it in with me just in case she wakes up and gets curious. She’s out cold. I tell the attendant to fill it up and give him my gas card. The convenience store has my batteries. There’s no line in the store. I have the bathroom key. I’m zipping my pants and I have a nagging feeling that I’m forgetting something, I mentally go back through the events since I picked her up. What is it? The light in the parking lot is blinding. Where’s the car?

“Shit, the keys.”

Future

30 Oct

The Pluma Project aims to extend writing therapy to community college students, incarcerated women, ESL and GED students, and women in addiction recovery programs.

Final Reflection: TVM 2010 by Tahni Nikitins

12 May

Final Reflection – 5/1/2010

by Tahni Nikitins

It has officially been far too long. I should have written up my final reflection a week or two ago, but I have struggled to get going on it. Perhaps writing this allows for the amazing experience that the Vagina Monologues was to finally come to a close? I don’t know, but  I do know that I am still struggling to find the words for all the things I experienced in my last weeks of the Vagina Monologues.

The Vagina Monologues has come to mean many things to me: promise, heart, community, education, joy, sorrow, everything in between, voice, friendship, healing, love, and so much more. I can’t even pinpoint most of what the Vagina Monologues has come to mean to me.

Tahni performs during dress rehearsal at The Very Little Theater, Friday, April 9, 2010. Photo by Lauren L. Zavrel

Our last rehearsal before dress rehearsal left me drained as I became more emotionally involved in actually performing my piece than I ever had before. Half way through I found myself shaking a little bit, and by the end I was having trouble keeping myself together. I could feel myself shaking, a pool of tears sitting at the base of my skull, waiting for the moment I might break so it could pour free. When I walked away from the make-shift staging area, I started to cry. It was all I could do to not start flat out bawling till my voice was raw – that’s really what I wanted to do.

Being approached by so many of the cast members who offered condolences and their support without being prompted…I can’t quite describe what that felt like. In my personal life, I have felt my support system dwindling for a long time, my relationships with my once-pillars-of-strength changing and faltering and the small community I’d poured my heart into ceasing to exist as I had known it. As the result of these things, I’d begun to consider myself a being apart from the communities I saw surrounding me, seeing myself as an isolated stone spinning through space. I’ve ceased to anticipate anyone offering support without being explicitly asked to do so. To have so many women approach me, women who I barely know, come to hug me and squeeze my hands and tell me how beautiful my performance was (before I’d even finished memorizing it) just for the sake of being a comfort to me, a girl they barely knew, was astounding. It reaffirmed for me in every way that we had created a community there – a community of beautiful, smart, intelligent, and kind-hearted women.

Friday was our dress rehearsal and first performance, and despite the anxiety resting in the pit of my stomach, making me literally nauseas, I was full of smiles and laughter because I was amid this community that we had constructed together. Together we made our last preparations, did our last rehearsals on the stage that the Very Little Theater was gracious enough to grant us. We shared makeup, did each other up (I was on the receiving end of being done-up, not being especially proficient with makeup on my own), got dressed, and paced the green room and dressing rooms reciting our lines, trying to reaffirm one last time that they were solidly imprinted on our brains.

We sold out. We were amazing. Under the blinding lights we stood before a crowd and made our voices heard. In the end, some six hundred people listened, laughing with us, thinking with us, mourning and crying with us, and when the lights went down they roared in response to us. After the show, walking out to meet out audience, we were met by an array of people who had come to hear our voices, people who saw their stories reflected in the ones we had told. Every night I was approached by strangers who hugged me and thanked me.

The whole experience was incredibly surreal. Looking back on it, it seems like a dream – a wonderful and terrifying dream. All except for one moment.

Every night we were better than the last. We blew our last performance out of the water. In my last performance, I wore the story I was telling as though it were my own skin. I stood back under the red wash light while the introduction to my piece was read, my head down, my hands folded behind my back. When the lights came up, I lifted my eyes, looked directly into them, and I wasn’t Tahni anymore. I was Marta, and I was there, telling my story, so that no one else would feel as alone as I had, so that I might help someone else escape and prevail and find their voice.

RULE 8: NO ONE CAN TAKE ANYTHING FROM YOU IF YOU DO NOT GIVE IT TO THEM.

I stepped to the edge of the stage and spoke this with more power and conviction than I ever had before, hoping to pass on this bit of empowerment to every person in that theater.

Then I turned and I walked off stage, the lights falling behind me, and I was Tahni again, and it was all over.

Part of me was relieved (no more so-nervous-I-just-might-puke-on-your-shoes pre-performance anxiety). But later, after I left the theater, it really started to dawn on me that it was over. Over. No more would I be seeing these wonderful women every Sunday – these women in whom I can see such a powerful spark of divine power. No more Lion and Prune, or Red Leather Yellow Leather, or deep “huh huh huh!” sounds rising right from the diaphragm, a sound which became our warrior’s call those last three days.

I walked in a child and began the process of learning what it is to be a woman. This experience left me with a better sense of me, a more precise knowledge of my own voice. With this I move into the world, doing my best to learn how to utilize these things and maintain the empowerment I found within the circle of the warriors and priestesses of the Vagina Monologues.

And so I am here, finally truly saying “Farewell, Vagina Monologues, for now. I’ll be seeing you next year.”

A Reflection from The Vagina Monologues 2010

20 Apr

Foreword: I’m a novice blogger! It’s my first time doing this and to be honest I’m nervous but I want to this in behalf of fellow Survivors and for all of the women, men and children out there, anyways this is how I felt and my Reflection towards The Vagina Monologues.

-Anonymous 2010 Vagina Monologues Cast Member, Eugene, Oregon

When I was five years old my family and I went to a local zoo with some of our relatives who were in town for the weekend.  As I recall, it was a beautiful Saturday morning with a lot of unforgettable moments; earlier on that day I was so excited that I got dressed way too early and I was ready to head out the door even before our family had the chance to sit down for breakfast. Due to my excitement I ate so fast with a small amount food, and as a result I earned some firm disciplinary words from my mother that left me pouting and in a bad mood. Thankfully, two hours later we finally made it to the zoo and the short chubby little girl, me, was ready for some fun.  As we visited the different attraction of the zoo, I was hearing some really loud noises from out of an unknown location. I asked my aunt, my personal tour guide, what was making the strange sound? Her response was, “Oh that’s made by Big Boy and we will see him in a little bit. Okay?” Although I was very eager to see Big Boy, I had to wait while my aunt took her time to explain to me the different animals, habitats, and the food they ate. As we walked through a natural pathway surrounded by trees and plants, I was startled by the same sound, because it was much louder than before. My eyes opened wide, I held my breath and cling unto my aunt with both arms. I can tell Big Boy must be very close. She looked at me and asked, “Are you ready to see Big Boy?” I nodded and continued to hold on to her. A few steps later and we arrived to a clearing and there was Big Boy surrounded by huge cage made of secured linked fence. And right before my eyes Big Boy made another roaring sound with his trunk raised up high, as if he was saying hello – elephant style. The close-up animal encounter fascinated me, since I have never seen such a stunningly large and tall animal in my young life, and I became a big fan of elephants ever since.

Fast forward 25+ years later, one night I happened to be watching a TV program about animal and nature, when the narrator announced that they were featuring the elephants and their life’s journey. In this film the narrator asked, “Have you ever known an animal that can produce vibrations or low frequency measured at 14 to 24 hertz? And people would probably answer the blue whales, when in fact it’s the African Elephants that uses these sounds to communicate.”

Some zoologist and experts acknowledged that even in today’s advancements in science and technology, researchers don’t know for certain whether or not, the elephants use these sounds to communicate with each other. They call these low-frequency sounds “Infrasonic Calls” a.k.a. Elephants’ ”Secret” language and it can travel in forests and open plains more than 5 miles in some cases. One of the puzzling aspects of the elephant’s unique and dynamic communication and/or behavior, including the ability of male elephants to find females during their brief ”spring love” or female fertility season is in their highly coordinated movements within their herds that seem to occur without signaling.

By now you’re probably thinking where is she going with this? I promise, I have a point and will deliver it in a short while.

Four years ago on a Valentine’s Day evening event, I saw for the very first time The Vagina Monologue at the U of O. I was supposed to be alone that evening and I had planned on having my own cheesy chick flick dvd marathon, and as fate will have it I got invited to see the TVM show instead.

What I heard and saw up on stage that night had taken my emotion for a ride, it made me laugh so hard that my cheeks hurts. I cried internally for the sad stories of rape survivors and the vicious atrocities that had been done to myriads of unsuspecting innocent women and children that stretched from land of the raising sun of the Far East all the way to lush tropical jungles of Africa. I felt their pain and kindred spirit – without knowing exactly who and where these women came from. They hit the core in my heart as their stories unfold before my very eyes. At the same time I was triggered to remember a heart breaking secret from my own past.

From a fellow Survivor point of view, my heart felt heavy and I regret knowing that sexual abuse, assault and crimes are still happening right now.  And it doesn’t matter who and where you came from, or how old you are. Even as I compose this Reflection, statistically somewhere and someone will fall victim to the attack and will experience some form sexual violence. For many of these women and children, not having a voice or someone to protect them is the harsh reality. I know, because I’ve been there, for I was wounded physically, mentally and emotionally when my abuser ripped my innocence and raped me as he held a dangerous sharp object close to my body, to silence me. I was just a little girl, unable to scream for help and fearing for my life – that was almost 30 years ago.

As a young woman in my 20s I started a life journey to find the courage to heal. During those years I felt alone, depressed, unloved, and lost. I tried finding comfort in relationships with different individuals that lead to my heart’s being broken time and again. I once joined a religion with strict rules and regulations with the mindset of the closer to God I become, the sooner my mind, spirit and body will be cleanse. I spent countless hours for private counseling sessions and even worked many long hours in my effort  to hide the pain. Sadly, nothing come close to finding the comfort and healing process that I had hoped for. It wasn’t until my former counselor explained to me that in order for me to move on I must connect with my inner child. Next, the counselor showed me an illustration of a clear glass partially filled with water. She called it the Litmus Test and it will help determine my sincere point of view of my life.

When I was asked to describe what I see in picture before me, I answered, “It’s a glass with half-full of water.” My counselor smiled and uttered the proverbial saying, “Your heart is true and the storm you are experiencing – it too will come to pass.” From that moment on I realized there will be a long road to healing.  Figuratively speaking, I will have to travel far and wide, so I decided to take care of the little girl inside me, and together we walked hand and hand.

Remember the African elephants with their low-frequency infrasonic sound I was talking about earlier? Well, I believe back in that faithful night of my first TVM experience – I heard the sound calling of these symbolic African elephants, the Vagina Warriors, also known as the Survivors who told their stories from afar. Their collective voices had traveled the desert plains, climbed the high mountains and carried by the wind across the body of oceans. Their voices are alive, manifested by hard work and determination to make a difference in the world.
I see the perseverance of courage to heal demonstrated by these Warriors, and with that alone it gave me hope. I can honestly say that I’m one of the living proof of how The Vagina Monologue has changed my life and led me to my empowering moment. And like my fellow Vagina Warriors and Sisters – I live… I work… I study… I pray… I cry… I play…  I hope… and I love under the umbrella of the rainbow. Just like the African elephants, we’re going to have our voices be felt and be heard, and we will not go silent into the night.

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